It’s one of those nights.

It’s one of those nights tonight
when every breath
that fills your lungs
is laced with dread
and every quiver
of your heart
feels like a dart
aimed at your chest.
It’s one of those nights tonight
when every beat hammers in you
all the way up to your head
and shivers
travel down your spine,
slither in
and snuggle in bed.
Your horrors dance before your eyes
your demons prance, plotting your demise.
The world seems like it’s burning, reducing to ashes.

It’s one of those nights tonight
when you have to take a deep breath and remember
That it gets better
Remember that the very same lungs
breath in poetry and stardust
and that your chest, its knot unfurled
can carry the weight of the world.
Make the shivers dance
to the rythm of your heart
Remember how a goldsmith heats and hammers the metal
And that a diamond forms under immense pressure
And how Ibrahim walked out of that fire, stronger than ever.

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Am I selfish?

I have tried, very hard, to love and give
without expecting because
if you’re expecting in return
they say it isn’t the same bliss.
I’ve always read that you shouldn’t ruminate
on the good and great
you’ve done, you shouldn’t expect the same love back because
if, if you do so, your
love isn’t so pure.
If you expect anything back then what you’re doing is swapping, it’s business.

But how do you teach this to the soft curves and turns of your heart? How do you train it to not expect warmth from the ones you give all your warmth to? Who you’d do so much for. Do you teach it to value others more than they value you? Is it really fair to do that? Should you give and keep giving till you’re all spent? Isn’t love about caring and being cared for?
Humans survive by giving and receiving.
If you care for someone and go out of your way to make them feel better is it so wrong to want them to show concern on your bad days? Is it selfish to want them to do a little for you? To pamper you when you need it. To sit next to you and just rub your shoulders, to ask if you need some food and paracetamol when it looks like you do. To do what you’d do for them in a heartbeat. Is it too much to ask for? Is it being selfish?

I hope not.

See the light

This is something I typed when I was extremely frustrated and has been sitting stagnant and forgotten in my drafts folder for over a year. Let it finally see the light (no pun intended)

I get really flipped out when people continuously crib and sulk about things. Especially the things they got themselves into and are doing absolutely nothing to get out of.

Yes, I get it. You may not like it, it may not be what you expected or it may just be really bad and you express that. It’s acceptable to an extent but continuously whining for days at length is not done. Please please let my peace of mind stay intact.

What is the point of saying I wish I hadn’t or I wish it wasn’t? These wishes are not going to happen. The situation is here and it is here to stay. But you do not have to mope about it all day long to everyone all the time. What you can do is figure out ways to improve it. To change it. Seeing how you can adapt to it.  It might be a dark cloud following you, not letting the light through but only if you refuse to see the silver lining. And then you will know that it is not what it seems it was and is much better and easier. In fact it may be a lot better than what you wanted. It may present a whole new world of opportunities.

Take it like a dirty chest with some gold in it. Always, always try to see the best in things.
When you go digging for gold, you focus on the gold and not on the amount of dirt you have to throw out.

Broken bits of art

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Broken bits of the sky
Fall to the ground
They fall somewhere the birds don’t fly
They fall somewhere our love is finally found.

 This love flames in our heart
A glowing hot red,
like the flame of the forest
And it creates art. 

Smile.

Had there been a time
When you hadn’t seen your smile
For so long that you forgot
Just what it looked like?

You forgot how your dimple
carves into your right cheek
And how your dark eyes enkindle
With mystique.

You forgot how one side curls
A little more than the other
And how prominent your canines are.

You didn’t remember how
your eyes twinkle
And how, near the end of your brow,
they crinkle.

You didn’t remember how beautiful you look when you smile.

Has it ever been so long?
I hope it hasn’t.
And I hope it never will be.

Rant.

I was a little sad today because part of me felt lonely and empty. I’ve just returned to my university from home and I’m still a little homesick.

I was simply sitting in the room at around 7 pm and just happened to glance skywards. What I saw took my breath away.
The sky was a stunning shade of purple, with yellow bubbling clouds lined with deep crimson.
I usually click a lot of photos but today all I did was just sit there and feel the sky in my soul and paste it in the back of my eyelids. A few minutes later I saw a few fireflies and it just made my heart glow ❤ It feels amazing to have these small things that usually seem unimportant and insignificant to remind you how beautiful the world is.

It feels like Allah is constantly watching over you and telling you to keep your chin up and smile. Showing you a hundred reasons to be happy. I hope I never become someone who cannot see these beautiful things and find happiness in them.

Solace

It’s natural to feel upset or annoyed when someone remembers you only during times of need. You feel like you’re  being used, like you’re being taken for granted. You feel like a spare wheel or like a useless benchwarmer in the football of your ‘friend’s’ life.
I say, instead, you should feel privileged.
You are the lighthouse shining in their crashing sea of distress. Their candle in the darkness. You are what they come to when they know nothing else will work but you will, always. You are the benchwarmer that turned the game around when no one else could. You are their backup.
Feel proud ❤

 

Another year!!

I promised to myself that I’d be consistent with this blog and post regular updates. It’s been over a month since my last post! I guess that’s what happens when life gets in the way.
All that apart, I fall under that section of the society that’s still wondering where and how 2015 passed. I’m among those who wish they could cling on to the last few slivers of the past year and probably stretch it and make it longer. But live in the moment,carpe diem etc, yeah?
Happy new year 2016 everyone (I really don’t like the k trend ugh)!! Hope that this year goes on to be the best year you’ve had yet and everyone finds what they are looking for. ❤
I hope you find the best book you’ve read or a new friend. I hope you get to view the most beautiful sunset you’ve ever seen and plenty of sunrises above the water. I hope you find the best food outlets in town. I hope you find parking spaces easily. I hope you find a bottle of glitter and a sky full of stars.
But most of all, I hope that this year, you find yourself. I pray that you find what you really want and set out to achieve it. I hope you are able to figur out what goes on in the crypt of your heart and in the depths of your mind.
Try to make yourself a better person than you were the previous moment. Stop comparing yourself to others because there will always be someone you find better than yourself. Instead compete with yourself and focus on making you better than you.
Keep changing, growing and expanding.
Hope this year proves to be the best for you all and it even has an extra day to give you an extra opportunity to make it better!

P.S. Please don’t make unachievable resolutions! We all know they don’t work. At this point I’ve stopped making resolutions completely apart from ‘Try to always be better than you were yesterday’

I guess you could say I had a pretty high start to the new year lol ._.

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Jabal Hafeet at 12:00 am

Note to self.

Sometimes the people closest to you are the ones pulling you down. They’re the ones restricting you, the ones hindering your growth. What you do and don’t do depends on what they do or don’t do. The unfortunate part is that you still like these people a lot. For some reason. And because you like them you don’t say anything. At all. What you do is bottle up all those feelings and hide them in the deepest parts of your being. You try to hide it so well that you deny their existence to even yourself. But these are slowllyyy eating you up from inside, making you hollow and blowing in little specks of detestation. And at some point in yor life all of this comes bubbling to the surface, trying to escape. But what do you do? You try stuffing them further down and concealing them. And then one day they just explode beyond control. Don’t let it come to that point. Speak up and express yourself. And don’t suppress things within you and expect others to magically understand.
Bye and have a nice day.

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Too much or not enough

I usually don’t suddenly, out of the blue miss someone desperately. It needs to be triggered.
Everything will be normal until I suddenly see something. It may be something they passionately spoke about or a colour they love. It may be a favourite book, food they always craved, a habit, perhaps even a scent and it would completely wash me over. I’ll be engulfed in the flames of their memories.
I’m either drowning under the crashing waves or cracking like parched land.